I had people in and out of my room all the time between nurses, doctors and therapists. I was getting to know people on a personal level and it felt nice to feel like I was making friends. Our physiotherapist was particularly lovely and would take the time to have a chat. There was a nurse who grew up around the corner from me so we found a bond which was really nice.
However these were not friends they were acquaintances - very nice people but they weren't my friends. When I was gone from the hospital they would hopefully remember us for a while but then they would move on and be friendly with our replacement.
What I didn't realize at the time was that I was going to form a lot of these acquaintances. People would constantly come into our lives through therapy, support groups, the hospital, school and I would feel a friendship and grow very close to them only to then lose them when we had to move on or they moved on.
I found this difficult because I need my friends to ground me, to talk to me, to connect me and to make me happy. I was very cut off from my true friends, they were either too far away or unable to see me very much. I wasn't able to sit and have long chats or have any privacy. Most of my conversations were on a phone in a public corridor or in a room surrounded by nurses and other parents. I was so grateful for the friends who were able to visit. My friends were trying to be there for me but it was difficult.
Our friends at home were getting married and my girlfriend managed to pop in and visit me one night with another friend. We were both the bridesmaids. They decided we would spend a couple of hours making wedding plans in an attempt to take my mind off things.
I settled Cameron for the night and then we went into the parent room to ponder colours, patterns, flowers and all things girlie. It was a lovely couple of hours however all nice things always come to an end and my friends had to leave. It felt really lonely when they were gone but it was a lovely memory which is still there today. I can see us sitting in the parent room with magazines between us discussing green bridesmaid dresses which I didn't like the idea of but ended up loving.
The significant thing about that night was that I was making plans for the future and up to that night I really didn't have any plans past the moment I was in. We had become stuck in the here and now.
Then I received a phone call that showed me that there truly was a light at the end of the tunnel.