Sunday, 8 April 2012

Why Haven't I Been Writing?

It's almost a year since I started my blog and I was writing regularly until October/November when life became quite complicated. Why?

Partly it was Cameron. In October we discovered The Institute of Functional Neuroscience and suddenly our lives became emotionally overwhelming as Cameron changed daily and sometimes hourly. My days suddenly shortened as I started collecting Cameron from school after lunch to take him to the Institute three days a week. This therapy is expensive so we became financially strained as we watched our bank balance disappear rapidly. Then to add to our financial woes both our cars suddenly decided their time had come and they both retired within a couple of months of each other.

I'd driven my car for eighteen years and it was the car that drove me to my appointments as I strived to become pregnant with both my children. It drove me to appointments while I was pregnant and drove me to hospital when my children were born and then when we went home for the first time. With Cameron they were eight hour round trips. It was the car that we drove that fateful day sixteen years ago when Cameron slipped into a coma and thankfully didn't die in my arms and it was the car Cameron and I lived in as we drove all day every day between appointments and therapies. I once followed a car which had a sticker which said - If I'm a Stay at Home Mum How Come I'm Always in My Car?  I searched for that sticker for years and never found it. It described my life perfectly.

My car was where Cameron screamed so much I thought I was going to crash the car, where Cameron learnt to climb out of his seat belt and climb into the boot to look at cars out of the back window. He vomited so much in that car I couldn't guess how many times and he slept uncountable hours in that car. I screamed and I cried buckets of tears in that car and that car kept us safe even when my mind was not properly focused. Cameron and I lived in that car, it was our sanctuary between appointments - our safe place. I loved my car and it held an enormous amount of memories for our family so it was very emotional to watch her become unreliable and the day she went to the car yard was very emotional for me.

It hasn't just been Cameron and the cars. I don't have a paid job but I do volunteer with several organizations close to my heart because of Cameron. One of those organizations is Riding for the Disabled and I am currently the President of RDA Brigadoon which is where Cameron rides. Normally being President of an RDA centre means lots of meetings and decisions but our centre has suddenly grown so rapidly that it's taken our breath away and I have found myself doing an enormous amount of administration. So instead of sitting up late at night writing my blog posts I've been reading and answering emails and trying to keep up.

All up life has been overwhelming and I've been tired. Consequently I haven't had the energy or the time to write. But I am starting to feel my energy return, the old Jane is resurfacing and getting back on top of things, even the housework.

During my writing drought I have been leaving tit bits of Cameron's life on my blogs facebook page,,  mainly about all the amazing things he has been doing, so if you've been missing out you could do some catching up there. I'm hoping that over the next few weeks my energy and coping skills will continue to improve I will find more time to write again. I miss sharing our story and journey with you.

So until my fingers hit the keyboard again I hope you all have a very Happy Easter spent with those you love. I suspect Cameron is going to consume way too much chocolate but watching him unwrap Easter eggs is so wonderful and not having to retrieve the foil out of his mouth whilst being bitten is really nice too.


  1. I am so sorry about your car! I hope you manage to get some assistance from other volunteers to help you with all the extra paperwork. I also hope that you managed to have a restful Easter. Take care x

  2. Thanks Di. It was a nice Easter spent catching up with family and now we are in school holidays so it's nice to be out of the school routine. I'm meeting two ladies tomorrow who I'm hoping will be able to lift some of my workload - I hope so.