Before we could walk out of the hospital there was something we had to do, we had to say goodbye to the staff in ICU.
When we had left ICU to move onto the Infants ward the staff had asked us to visit them when we were discharged. We had watched families return and say goodbye to the staff during our time in ICU and the staff were always genuinely pleased to see their patients up and healthy again.
We went upstairs and walked towards the familiar doors and suddenly it felt uncomfortable like we no longer belonged. It was a funny feeling as if we were doing something silly. The doors we had walked through so freely for 10 days straight a couple of months earlier had offered sanctuary then but not now.
We pressed the buzzer and waited for a staff member to let us in. A nurse came to see who it was and we were let in. The ICU was busy and staff were busy, no one was free to talk to us so we had to wait. It felt strange looking at the patients on their beds and the worried parents sitting beside them, we didn't recognize anybody.
Word went round that we were visiting and staff who did know us eventually grabbed a moment by switching with other staff so they could come over and say goodbye. Sadly we didn't get to say goodbye to most of the staff we had spent so much time with but those who were there were delighted to see us and very pleased to see Cameron alive and going home.
After very quick conversations the staff returned to caring for their patients and we said our final goodbye and walked out of ICU for the last time. All that was left now was to go down in the lift and walk out the front doors into fresh air and sunshine. A monumental moment that took my breathe away and left me a little shaky with a huge grin on my face and a worried frown on my forehead.