Life settled into a rythm with nurses and doctors coming and going on and off shift. Family coming and going. Us sleeping and sitting. We never wanted to leave Cameron but we had to sleep and we had to eat.
We grew increasing tired as the days went by and then the night that I will never forget happened. I was tucked up in bed sleeping as best I could when the radio crackled to life and an announcement to staff about an emergency blasted me awake. The radio was just above me head. I struggled to fall back to sleep but just as I did a nurse burst into my room, took a look at me and raced out again. I was now sitting bolt upright and totally shaken. They say it only takes one straw to break the camels back and that was it. I was a mess. I quickly dressed and raced back to Cameron threw myself onto Michael's lap and sobbed. Lack of sleep and all the stress had caught up with me and there was no way I was going back to that room.
Staff were concerned and puzzled as to why I'd been burst in upon or had a working radio in our room. They knew we didn't want to leave Cameron alone but they could also clearly see that I needed Michael as much as I needed sleep. They were prepared. We were shown into the doctors office and the couch that we had sat on only a couple of days before was opened up to reveal a bed, all made up with fresh sheets. They assured us that if anything happened they would come and get us immediately. We climbed into bed and fell asleep in each others arms. A little touch of normality for a few hours.
Our families by this time were struggling to deal with their our own distress and ours. When you feel helpless you look for ways that you can help. Michael's Mum put together a beautiful picnic lunch and it was suggested that we all go downstairs to the garden and get some fresh air and good food. There was enough for both families. I didn't want to go. I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Cameron that long and it just didn't feel right. I was still suffering from my interrupted night the night before but it was hard for everyone else to understand.
I was eventually convinced to go downstairs but I had no appetite and only picked at a couple of things. People got distressed because I wasn't eating but I couldn't and eventually I ended up in our room crying again because the pressure to be normal was just too much for me. Nobody meant to upset me they just couldn't understand what I was going through.
I did venture to the cafeteria for meals a few times with my family but again I only picked. There was just no desire to eat and then I suffered for what I did eat. I got food poisoning. It was awful. I lay on the recliner rocker next to Cameron who was fighting for his life while I was in intense pain and wishing someone would make it go away. The staff were very nice but had nothing to help me - this was a children's hospital. They did give me some plain toast which helped a little. I found it odd that for those few hours I was more concerned about me than Cameron - because it hurt.
We continued to sit next to Cameron as he fought the biggest battle of his little life. We were numb and just existing but found comfort in being able to sit with Cameron and hold his hand and talk to him. Doctors voices were always very grave and hushed when they spoke but we were starting to feel comfortable in our new home and we were getting to know the staff.
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