Every time things settled down into some type of routine something else came along to tip it all upside again. This time it was Michael.
Michael sat me down and told me he needed to go back to work. I was shocked, how could he leave us. I didn't want to do this on my own. I couldn't do this on my own. I'm always braver and stronger when he is by my side. We can conquer anything if we are together. I didn't want him to go.
On a practical level he reminded me that he couldn't take indefinite leave it was already almost a month and he had to go back. He couldn't take leave without pay because we needed the money. My head knew he was right but my heart was breaking. How would I cope?
Michael made arrangements with the company to become a fly in fly out employee. He would fly in on Monday morning and out on Friday afternoon, spend the weekend with us and then head back for another week of work. It was the best we could do in the situation.
There were advantages in Michael going home. He could get some of our possessions which would help make our lives a little more comfortable.
On reflection I don't think Michael felt like he could do anything to fix our situation so the best thing to do was get back to work and earn the money. We needed the money but I needed him and saying goodbye was so hard.
Everything was set for Michael to fly out on the Monday morning and since he was sleeping at his parents home we had to say goodbye on Sunday night. I hung onto him, not wanting to let him go. I walked him down to the end of the ward and then stood there and and watched as he walked away. The lump in my throat was suffocating me and the tears were burning my eyes. I wanted to sit on the floor and sob but I couldn't so I crawled into bed and composed myself after a silent sob into the pillow. I felt so alone.
It's a scary road to start walking alone, that's for sure, especially as nobody else seems to understand just how you feel. Hugs xx
ReplyDeleteExactly Sharon, it's very lonely. xx
ReplyDeleteMy ex-husband used to work away all the time, sometimes for months at a time. It was horrid, but we did get used to it. Now I'm a single Mum and I guess it was good training. Life can be hard but it sounds like you are doing an awesome job as a partner and Mum.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bronnie. My experience as a single mother left an impression and an even greater appreciation for My Marvellous Man.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, your husband working away would have been excellent training for being a single parent.